10 Survival Tips & Tactics for Eating Veg in a Non-Veg World
Some people are afraid that their social lives will suffer when they eliminate meat and dairy from their diet, since social occasions and food tend to go hand-in-hand. For anyone who has ever thought it is difficult as a vegetarian to dine out, to eat at the home of a non-vegetarian friend, or to find food to eat at parties, I hope this can be a guide and a resource.
1. Be Specific. Not everybody knows what it means to eat "vegetarian" or "vegan," and it’s important for vegetarians/vegans to be specific about what their needs are. I know plenty of people who think chickens are plants with wings or who think "chicken broth" is vegetarian. They think as long as there are no chickens floating around in it, it’s acceptable for those who don’t eat birds. So be clear and ask for exactly what you want.
Scenario Suggestion: When eating out, or when invited over a friend’s for dinner, it’s helpful to state specific foods. So you can say to your server "This dish/menu sounds wonderful. Just to be clear, I’m vegan, so please tell me if I order something with eggs, meat broth, cheese, milk, or cream." I’ve never had a server unwilling to accommodate me, and this takes care of any potential misunderstandings.
2. Be Positive. Most likely, you made the choice to leave animals off your plate because it makes you feel good — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If that’s your truth, then that’s exactly what you should express to those around you. Your attitude will influence the perception and attitude of others about what it means to be vegan.
Scenario Suggestion: When ordering in a restaurant, of course it’s polite and appropriate to thank the server for accommodating you, but try not to apologize to the point of being self-effacing. If you had a food allergy, you would just explain to the server and move on. Your food preferences are just as valid when based on ethical reasons. And remember, you’re paying them – they should accommodate you if they want to keep your business. So thank them, but then just move on.
3. Be Confident. Food is a personal as well as political subject that has been known to bring up people’s defenses, and vegetarians have found themselves on the receiving end of ridicule, criticism, interrogations, jokes, and plain old rudeness. Remaining confident that the attack has nothing to do with you personally will help you take the encounter in stride. Also, don’t feel you need to carry the weight of defending all the benefits of vegetarianism. If asked why you make the choices you do, speak from your heart and tell your truth. That is much more powerful than trying to espouse all the latest nutrition research that supports vegetarian eating (and of course there’s lots of it!).
Scenario Suggestion: You are at a party, and someone – rather hostilely – says to you, "I just finished a book by a prominent anthropologist, and he provides a lot of evidence that humans were never pure vegetarian at any point in our evolution." Many might be tempted to respond with the fact that early humans actually gathered more than they hunted, that we’re physically designed to eat vegetarian diets, etc., and if your goal is to win an argument, then argue away. But, consider an alternative response that diffuses the attack, speaks to the real issue, and enables you to remain true to yourself. You could say something like "I don’t know much about anthropology, but I do know that I feel really good about eating this way. It’s better for my health and certainly better for the animals. And besides, isn’t being human about doing things better than the way we did them before, especially as we learn more?"
4. Be Generous. Co-workers, neighbors, clients, friends, and family all appreciate the gift of homemade goodies, and every vegetarian knows the power of delicious food. Anytime non-vegetarians try your infamous meatless chili or your decadent dairy-free cookies, they are exposed to dishes they may have never chosen on their own, and often they’ll walk away with a new perception about "vegan food."
Scenario Suggestion: Bring muffins in for your morning office meeting, leave cookies on your neighbor’s porch, make a cake for a special occasion and share it with co-workers. You can visit www.compassionatecooks.com to get lots of delicious recipes.
5. Be Assertive. I’d be lying if I said that healthful plant-based options are available in every restaurant, but they are available in almost every restaurant whose focus is not "American cuisine." Every other cuisine, from Italian and Thai to Indian and Mexican, offers plenty of healthful vegan dishes. But for those times when you don’t have a say in choosing the restaurant, at an employee lunch or office party, it’s worth calling the restaurant in advance to find out which menu items can be made meat- and dairy-free or what they can make special to accommodate you.
Scenario Suggestion: Most people don’t like having their food choices be the center of attention, especially when people may already perceive veganism as "different" or "difficult," but anytime I’ve asked for something "off the menu," everyone else at the table has coveted my meal. They had no idea you could suggest something different than what’s on the menu, and they will wish they followed your lead!
6. Be Attentive. The stereotype that vegans talk all the time about being vegan is, well, true, but only because once a meat-eater learns you’re vegetarian, you become their Confessor, counselor, and sounding board. They often proceed to tell you how often they eat meat or how they’ve become vegetarian except for the chickens and fish they still consume. Though you’ve heard it before, be respectful, be attentive, and be sensitive. They clearly want to identify as a "vegetarian" and are trusting you with a bit of information about themselves. What they are saying may be more important than what you have to say in response. Ask them questions instead of simply responding.
Scenario Suggestion: A non-vegetarian tells you she tried to be vegetarian but it was too hard. Ask her what was hard about it. She tells you she doesn’t want to know about how the animals are treated. Ask her what she thinks might happen if she knew. The point is to create a dialogue and to realize that it is not "me against you," the "vegetarian against the meat-eater," but rather us against cruelty, us against violence. For those of us who are vegan, it’s also important to remember our own stories so we don’t become self-righteous. At one time or another, most of us ate animals and their secretions and some of us relied on silly excuses to continue eating them.
7. Be Prepared. There may be times when a work or family event centers around meat (like a barbecue) or takes place in a restaurant that is unfavorable to vegans (such as a steakhouse). At such times, it might be worth eating something before you go and/or bringing your own food to eat when you get there. It may be inconvenient, but it’s better than not eating at all, and once again, the food you bring will most likely inspire others to try something new. To be perfectly frank, BBQs – when they’re not vegetarian – are the one event I refuse to attend. It’s just much too painful and offensive to witness the ravenous gluttony of this meat-fest, but I don’t want to make it seem like being vegan isolates you. I don’t not attend because there wouldn’t be something for me to eat – I don’t go because I don’t want to; it’s just too upsetting.
8. Be Equipped. There are numerous occasions that offer the opportunity to bring a dish. Bringing your favorite vegan lasagna or chocolate cake is a surefire way to ensure that you’ll enjoy the fare, and it’s a wonderful way to introduce people to delicious and nutritious veg food.
Scenario Suggestion: If you are attending a dinner party where guests were not asked to bring a dish, you might want to call to find out if it’s okay that you bring something. Or, better yet, ask the hostess if you can alleviate some of the cooking burden for her and bring one of the dishes. It would also provide you with an opportunity to clarify what you eat (see #1).
9. Be Humorous. Non-vegetarians as well as vegetarians can get a little uptight around such a sensitive subject. Humor has a way of diffusing tension. Always keep in mind that whatever jokes non-vegetarians might make at your expense, it really has nothing to do with you. Passive aggressive though these people are, it will help to respond with humor and levity.
Scenario Suggestion: I try to keep things light while at the same time telling the truth. So, for instance, when I’m around non-vegetarians and one might say something about the chicken sandwich they had for lunch and then they turn to me to apologize, I usually say something like "look – don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the chickens." It’s a good way to get people thinking without being judgmental; besides, this has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the animals. Responding with levity to hostility is always a good way to go.
10. Be Vocal. One thing some non-vegetarians don’t understand – I don’t think I really understood it before I was vegan – is that to sit in a restaurant watching everyone chewing on animals is an incredibly painful experience. Eating at a vegetarian or, better yet, vegan restaurant is so wonderful – not just because you can choose anything on the menu – but because it’s a nonviolent atmosphere. There’s kind of a feeling of serenity when you look around you and know that no animals were (intentionally) killed in the making of the meals and everyone’s just munching on wonderful plant-based food.
Scenario Suggestion: So, when you can speak up and ask your friends or family or co-workers to try a vegetarian restaurant, I encourage you to do so. If you’re a non-vegetarian, extend an invitation to your vegetarian friend to go to a veg restaurant. That way, everyone can eat and experience the abundance!
The Holidays: I want to say a quick note about the holidays. Many of these suggestions will help, I think, but here’s another sure-fire way to ensure all the food is vegan: host a holiday dinner yourself. You can make it potluck style, guiding non-vegans about what to bring, giving them recipes, etc. It will inspire them to make something vegan, although they’ll probably realize they cook vegan all the time but never called it vegan. There are times I’ve gone back East for the holidays and cooked the entire holiday meal (with some help from my hubby, of course) for our families. They were happy to have someone do all the cooking, and the meal was something everyone was able to enjoy. Yes, it means more work, but whatever. A few hours in the kitchen is nothing compared to what the animals endure.
Tags: animals, chicken, Community, eating out, Food, Food Production, Health and Health Products, Home and Garden, Local Food, Outdoors, Recreation, restaurant, social tips, sustainable, vegan, vegetarian
September 7th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
For those of still transitioning away from meat and animal products, I’d add "Be adventurous" — try the vegetarian/vegan options at restaurants (or cooking them at home). I rarely eat meat now when I go out — we tend to do a lot of ethnic cuisine, and Colleen’s right — there are all sorts of vegatarian/vegan options. The trick, of course, is to try them. The spaghetti with eggplant and tomato sauce I had last week at one of our local Italian hotspots was wonderful… didn’t miss the meat at all. And the falafel at at nearby Persian restaurant… to die for!
_______________________________________
Jeff McIntire-Strasburg
Senior Editor
Green Options
jeff@greenoptions.com
September 7th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
oh good Lord I’ve never seem such a self-righteous bunch of bull.
So, for instance, when I’m around non-vegetarians and one might say something about the chicken sandwich they had for lunch and then they turn to me to apologize, I usually say something like “look – don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the chickens.” It’s a good way to get people thinking without being judgmental.
No normal person has ever apologized for eating a chicken sandwich - and no one can say “apologize to the chicken” without being judgmental.
As for the “incredibly painful experience” of watching people “chew on animals”…..
Life’s a bitch.
Deal with it.
September 8th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
The previous comment is the perfect example of one of my favorite sayings: There’s nothing more painful than the emergence of a new idea.
Colleen is correct, and this is not a matter of opinion, it is a fact: veganism is an expression of nonviolence.
When you eat animals it says something about you: that you don’t mind paying someone to kill a sentient being for the benefit of your palate.
When some people realize this truth, it is painful for them, as they then feel the pull to do something about it–to align their actions with their emerging beliefs.
Change is painful.
And yes, people apologize for eating chicken sandwiches, for drinking milk, and for ordering eggs for breakfast all the time–when they’re in the presence of vegans. They know that they are doing something wrong. If they are already apologizing, and we say, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” that’s not being judgmental. It’s simply clarifying what is occurring.
I have just one question for the previous commenter: if you walked into a room where people were munching on dog and cat carcasses, tearing their flesh from their bones, would you not find that painful to watch?
Life may be a bitch, indeed. But we’d like to change that whenever we can, through a strategy nonviolence that begins each day with breakfast.
September 8th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
These are excellent suggestions, which I know from experience. Since becoming vegan in 2003, I have enjoyed delicious food, improved well being, and great conversations with vegans and curious people alike. I have never been treated rudely for ordering off the menu in restaurants and my family graciously prepares as much vegan food as they can at holiday meals (in addition to items I bring). In a light, easy tone, I have used the line, “Don’t apologize to me; apologize to the animals” and gotten a laugh in response.
When I approach people with friendship and joy, they seem to respond with the same, or at least neutrally. This goes for businesses, too. One local restaurant thanked me and altered their menu when I pointed out that of the only two almost-vegan items on their menu, one contained a dairy sauce and the other had bread made with egg, when they had vegan alternatives available. Another local restaurant has clarified which items on its menu are vegan, which are vegetarian, and which are neither.
September 9th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Mary,
That was an excellent reply to the unregistered user. I am ALWAYS impressed with polite reasoned discussions and responses.
Everyone,
I myself am in the process of learning about the origins of food, and trying to decide for myself. This is very personal and make you face many decisions about what you want to live with. I am currently reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle which discusses eating local foods.
There are many ways I can improve my diet. It is difficult changing habits. I appreciate information, such as this article, to help me. Thank you.
September 9th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I’d add one more, that might be tough to swallow: Be flexible. I know a lot of people who describe themselves as “freegan,” meaning they eat vegan when they cook for themselves, but don’t make a big fuss if they’re served other food.
When at a potluck, and you accidentally scoop yourself something that looked like TVP, but turned out to be dead animal, do you 1) leave it on your plate and dump it in the garbage, and insult the cook and waste the animal’s sacrifice, 2) complain bitterly that all the non-vegan, non-vegetarian, non-gluten-free, non-GMO-free, non-peanut-free, non-whatever food should have been clearly labeled, 3) or do you quietly thank the animal for their sacrifice (it’s already dead, and you didn’t kill it), and graciously take in its nutrients, vowing to be more careful next time.
Dogmatic people rarely win converts. If you want more people to eat like you, you might have to “eat a little crow” now and then!
September 9th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
I respectfully disagree that living one’s values is being "dogmatic." These suggestions are for people who do not want to contribute to the violence inherent in the production of meat, dairy, and eggs; they’re not suggestions for "winning converts." I’m always amazed that whereas it’s acceptable for someone to be clear about what they eat if it’s for health reasons (allergies, etc.) but that to speak up for one’s ethical beliefs is to "insult the cook," "complain bitterly" and "waste the animal’s sacrifice," to use your words. First of all, I don’t believe these are the only alternatives. The whole point of my article is to help people ask for what they want without being insulting or rude, etc.
And I just do not buy into the romanticized notion that somehow I’m insulting animals by not eating their flesh. They did not sacrific themselves, they did not want to die. To consume the remains of their butchered bodies is to consume the violence, fear, and pain that went into their exploitation and killing. To say no to that is to embrace peace and nonviolence. I prefer to honor them as living beings - not dead bodies.
So, to speak to your scenario: If I were somehow to scoop up something that looked like TVP onto my plate that turned out to be "meat," I would graciously return it to its dish if I hadn’t touched it yet. There are graceful and polite ways to handle that scenario - not only the three that you proposed.
Compassionate Cooks - Empowering People and Saving Animals One Meal at a Time - http://www.compassionatecooks.com
September 10th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
I don’t know if it’s normal or not but I do find that so many people, nice people, normal people, people who hold responsible jobs do apologize to me when they order meat. It’s weird, and one of those things that you wouldn’t imagine happening unless you’ve actually experienced it. I have sometimes said “don’t apologize to me, apologize to the animals.” I think that was when someone who really knew better bought a fur trimmed coat and then said “I’m so sorry Neva, it was just such a good buy.”
Anyway, sometimes you can engage people by asking “Why do you feel like apologizing to me?” Or “do you feel guilty about making these choices?”
The judgemental thing is a difficult struggle. I think any time you point out that someone is doing something harmful they’ll immediately turn it back on you and say you’re judging them. The truth is people judge each other all the time, and I really do make an effort not to judge. But telling people the truth is also valuable, even if it’s painful sometimes. If people had tried to protect me from the truth and never said anything about animals and how they’re treated then I wouldn’t be vegan today.
September 10th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Starting with my very first vegetarian meal, when I was still very much a meat eater, everyone around me felt the need to say that they were sorry for eating meat in front of me (as if I personally hadn’t eaten meat for breakfast that day!) It’s just one of Those Things that you get when you’re vegetarian. But I should say that you’re right in that I don’t think that what they’re really apologizing. I think they were just trying to make conversation in a somewhat misguided manner.
September 10th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
I used to be a freegan of the same persuasion. Out of politeness, I would eat things that I wouldn’t if I were on my own. I lived with meat eaters and attended social gatherings hosted by their meat eating friends on a weekly basis. I felt that I could not expect all of these different people to learn about vegan cooking just so I could have a well-rounded meal.
One day I noticed that I stopped being invited to the gatherings and so I finally confronted one of them about what was wrong. At the time, I didn’t realize that it had anything to do with my diet. As I said, I was going out of my way to be a gracious guest, even as far as going against my personal ethics.
The lady I confronted was blunt. “I don’t know what to cook for you.” I told her that what she cooked was fine; most of it was vegetarian anyway. I could tell the problem still wasn’t resolved though, and it bugged me.
I eventually pried some more and discovered that the problem was my inconsistency; what I saw as my “politeness.” My roommates got my vegetarianism and were cool with it because they saw me eat vegan food day in and day out, with the exception being social gatherings. To them my decisions were logical and steadfast. To the hosts of these gatherings, though, I talked the talk but didn’t walk the walk. When I did turn down something, it was especially insulting because at other times I had given in and eaten their omnivorous meal. They never could tell where I really stood, and this personal wavering had consequences beyond the dinner table.
Now I try to stick to my guns, but I don’t see it as being dogmatic anymore than my omnivore friends are “dogmatic” about eating meat. They just eat what it’s been their tradition to eat and that’s that, with little other thought given to it. It’s an extension of who they are, how they think, how they were raised. If my diet is also seen as an extension of who I am, I don’t want it to be inconsistent and groundless.