"The LEED program already recognizes the importance of having buildings that produce their own energy. Photovoltaic panels are a big hit on those gold and platinum buildings, and at ExxonMobil we're all about the gold and platinum," said company representative Paul Myfinger. "Look at how much energy our rigs produce compared to what they use, it's obvious that they're super efficient!"

Myfinger cited a number of other aspects of drilling rigs that makes them suitable candidates for LEED certification:

• Open work platforms and fresh sea air make air quality quite high. You also can't have any carpet or particle board products in this environment, so there are no offgassing issues. Everyone out on the deck also has a great view of the outdoors.

• Fresh water must be shipped in, so the platform is very efficient in its water use.

• A drilling rig has zero on-site parking, and everyone ride-shares using company transportation. Use of personal vehicles to get to work is simply not allowed.

ExxonMobil hopes this will enable them to become the country's leading LEED building owner.

[added 02 April 2007]: Hope everyone enjoyed this year's April Foolery.  I found myself thinking about the realities of doing something like this as I was writing the article.

Fundamentally, I think it should be possible to gain LEED acreditation for an oil rig, though it might entail major changes.  After all, it's possible to have busses that use battery/hybrid/electric power and regenerative braking.  It just takes a will to do it.

WASHINGTON - At 08:04 AM this morning, the International Whaling Commission (IWC) announced the end of a 21-year moratorium on commercial whaling:

The IWC has joined forces with the international community to support the development alternative fuel," said spokesman Phillip Alloway. "Due to increasing domestic oil prices and the serious implications of global warming, we understand the necessity of finding viable substitutes for petroleum. Whales represent a vast untapped, convenient, and usable source of oil that can be made into a renewable fuel, namely biodiesel.

Biodiesel, a diesel-like fuel usable in all diesel engines, can be made from any plant or animal oil, including animal fat. The raw oil is combined with methanol and lye to make biodiesel, a 'methylalkyl ester', or in this case, 'whale-oil ethyl ester' (WOME ). A whale's body mass typically contains up to 50% blubber - the portion of the animal processed into whale oil - making it the highest-producing biodiesel feedstock currently available (compared to soybeans at 14% oil, and palm kernels at 36% oil). Although thedevelopment of Whale-Oil Biodiesel (WOBD ) is novel, the use of whale oil as a 'biofuel' is nothing new. In fact, until the discovery of petroleum, whale oil was the predominant lubricant and fuel source,combusting in street lamps worldwide. It's the oil that temporarily made Nantucket the richest city in America.

ExxonMobile (EM), one of the newest leaders in renewable energy, declared plans for extensive whaling operations and a marketing campaign for the WOBD.

"We already have the ships and the infrastructure. All we needed was the go-ahead" said senior VP George Phullmaker.

In anticipation of the announcement, EM said it has reconfigured the Exxon-Bengal (one if it's largest supertankers) to accommodate whaling equipment. The ship now features 3 rocket-propelled harpoons with built-in GPS tracking devices, although one crewmember said the pride and joy is an antique wooden whaling skiff salvaged from the Essex, now mounted on the deck for "aesthetic purposes". The most important feature of the Bengal, however, may be its ability to manufacture biodiesel while at sea:

"In addition to standard boilers for converting blubber to oil, we also have a refinery that can process about 10 million gallons of oil into ASTM quality biodiesel per year. "

Since the average sperm whale weighs 80,000 lbs, that means an average of about 5,228 gallons of oil can be derived from each catch.

"In the old days, ships could only process about one whale every three days. Now we can do about 6 whales a day, which means we can collect about 219,607 gallons of oil each week. The nice thing is, was can process and even blend all this oil without ever landing in port."

From a distribution perspective, it’s a recipe for success. EM can now deliver millions of gallons of biodiesel anywhere in the world, allowing the corporation to seek out ports offering premium prices.

"We are not concerned by international regulations of any kind," the EM spokesman said.

With the price of biodiesel in the U.S. hovering around $3.00/gallon, WOBD could be a financial windfall.

ExxonMobile is very proud of supporting this new renewable fuel. The benefits of biodiesel are clearly established. Furthermore, there is no need to worry about oil spills anymore: whale oil is biodegradable and non-toxic.

But not everyone was happy about the IWC's decision, and international protest commenced immediately. Environmental groups expressed a mixture of shock and horror.

"We are speechless… I can't believe this is happening," was all one advocate could muster.

"It was only a matter of time until this feedstock was considered as viable," Jim Whaler of Whale Rights Watch said. "We thought it would take at least $5.00/gallon gas before it happened, but well, whatever…"

Others were quick to question the logic behind the proposal:

"How many whales can there possibly be? It's ridiculous! Even if they could harvest every last whale in the ocean, it would only meet about 1-2% of theUS's fuel needs."

The IWC and EM were quick to counter these comments:

Despite reports of plummeting populations, there are numerous species that have rebounded in the last 21 years. But take a worst-case scenario like the Humpback whale: most estimates put the number of Humpbacks at about 10,000 whales today. It would take at least 47 years to harvest the whole population, yielding 65,613,756 gallons of usable oil.

Critics maintain that this is only 0.23% of the alternative fuel that will be required by the 2005 Renewable Fuel Standard.

GreenOptions managed to ask EM spokesman Phillip Alloway for direct comment (via personal communication):

Look, whales are doomed anyway. We all know that global warming is raising sea temperatures, right? Well pretty soon it's going to be too hot for all those phytoplankton that the whales eat, and guess what - no more whales. I know, it's a Catch-22. Nobody actually likes whaling, but at least were trying to do something for the environment… Hey, you aren't recording this are you?

David Cornell, a scientist, confirmed Alloway's prediction. "Oceanic warming will eventually inhibit formation of calcium-carbonate skeletons in animals at the bottom of the food chain," he said. "This has grave implications for all sea life, not just whales."

An international whaling frenzy is anticipated as fleets compete to be the 'first in the water'. The announcement has even inspired the decedents of Nantucketwhaleman to resurrect century-old traditions. "There's a sea of oil out there," one enthusiastic fisherman said. "You just have to go out there and get it."

No one is quite sure how the WOBD will compare to biodiesel currently available, although it's expected to be similar to fuel made other types of animal fat. One major concern is how the burning fuel will smell, and some municipalities are already murmuring about banning the fuel: "We don't want downtown to smell like Nantucket harbor in 1835."

But the bottom line is this: increasing fuel demand combined with pressure for alternative fuels could prompt a whaling boom that makes Nantucket whalemen look like a bunch of amateurs.

Quick Facts:
What it is: Whale Oil Biodiesel (or WOBD)
Who can use it: WOBD will burn in any diesel engine without modification
Where you can buy it: Look for WOBD at your local biofuel station by fall of this year
Benefits: Increased lubricity, decreased reliance on foreign oil, creates domestic jobs.

Bumper Sticker

UPDATE: April Fools! 

Let's face it: we've been pretty one-sided here at Green Options! We've only covered the side of the story that says "climate change" is a man-made catastrophe waiting to happen, and we can only prevent it by squashing free enterprise, individual effort and personal liberty. That's hardly fair, and it's completely unbalanced. After all, there are plenty of patriotic Americans who take issue with that position, and have the evidence to show that "global warming" is a massive hoax perpetrated by East Coast socialists and their willing dupes in the MSM. We're quite certain that Al Gore is laughing all the way to the bank in a sweet, air-conditioned ride powered by the only brand of gasoline deserving of its red, white and blue logo.

Things have got to change! And, so, we're proud, and even humbled, to introduce the newest member of the Green Options blogging team, Steven J. Milloy.

That's right: the Junkman himself will make sure that we're giving you the full story. Who better to do it than a man who had the guts to take on the so-called "scientists" whining about PCBs and cancer? Who better than the same man that proved that DDT is a substance to which we owe great debt, and that any red-blooded American would gladly douse his children in it at the Fourth of July barbecue? We can't think of anybody better… and neither could our new, umm, partner (which is not a giant oil company — who keeps saying that?). You can't buy that kind of integrity… well, OK, you can, but you can't buy it cheap…

Anyway, after an hour of idling, the Navigator should be warmed up… gotta jet.

UPDATE: April Fools! 

Publisher's Note: Look at the date this was written before getting too mad at Patrick.

After giving it considerable thought over the past few months, I decided to stop walking to work.

I don’t live terribly far from my job (just a few blocks, in fact), and so when I first accepted the job, I make the decision to walk to work each day. But I’ve been finding myself late to work many days, because of the time-consuming walk from my house to here. I often find my self departing my house at almost 9:00AM, rather than getting in at 9:00AM, and as a result I have to stay late, and work into my evenings.

Driving to work, I have found, also has its benefits. It gives me time to relax, to think about my day ahead and prioritize things. It also gives me time to reflect, on the mellow drive home, and listen to my favorite NPR programming. I can crank up the heat on cold days, to keep myself warm; or turn the AC on when it inevitably gets hot (as it does for about 5 months in the desert). No more sweating for this guy!

In addition, ExxonMobil has decided to help people commute to work! If you sign a pledge saying that you will drive your car to and back from work each day, Exxon will plant a tree in one of their oil fields. These will provide much-needed shade to oil drilling workers, and beautify the lands that we extract our oil from. That will make everyone feel good!

I’m looking forward to the freedom I’m going to gain by driving to work. Freeing up extra time in my day, saving myself from being a sweat mess after walking for five minutes, and a tree planted in my name… what could be better! Here’s to the driving life!

UPDATE: April Fools!

Recent opinion polls show a decline in the public's understanding of how important oil is in their every day lives. Sixty-seven percent of respondents said they didn't think oil was necessary or important. Seventy-five percent refused to believe that the US is dependent on oil. The president said he is unahppy with these numbers.

We must start today to educate the American public about the importance of oil in our communities - in our lives. I ask you to join me in this - this awareness campaign and celebrate oil in this month of April. It is imperative that we do so in order to preserve our nation's freedom and democracy. Our future depends on it. Oil is your right - your right as an American citizen.

The month long public awareness campaign will kick off with the televised premiere of a new documentary, "The Joys of Oil". Associated educational materials will be available online for K-12 classroom use, including lesson plans and curriculum ideas for teachers. Virtual tours of oil rigs and the offshore drilling process will also be available on the site.

The president has also called on city and state governments to participate with events in their areas. One Texas town has already committed to hosting an Oil Festival culminating with a parade down Main Street, which they have renamed "Oil Road" in honor of the awareness efforts.

National Oil Awareness month is definitely a step in the right direction and clearly sends the message to other countries that Americans value their oil.

UPDATE: April Fools! 

That's why it's more important that ever to make the right choice when deciding where to fill 'er up. In today's Tip o' the Day, we at Green Options will try to make that choice easy for you. The best decision you can make is to drive on over to your local ExxonMobil.

Last year, ExxonMobil sold more gasoline in the United States than any other company. By keeping ExxonMobil America's top gasoline retailer, we'll be ensuring that more oil is in their hands than anyone else's. That's great news for the environment for many reasons. For one, by keeping ExxonMobil #1, there's a good chance that when the next inevitable oil spill happens, it will most likely happen to ExxonMobil. Because of their unparallelled expertise in dealing with these unfortunate situations, we can rest assured that ExxonMobile will be there to provide top-notch clean-up services before any real ecological damage can be done. Are we willing to concede that another company can provide the same level of quality environmental management? For the sake of the earth, we simply cannot afford to make that assumption.

You'll also know that ExxonMobile will use any profits they may make in environmentally responsible ways. Not only has ExxonMobil taken over the reigns here at Green Options, but for decades, they've been contributing heavily to some of the world's leading environmental groups like the Competitive Enterprise Institute, the American Enterprise Institute, the Free Enterprise Education Institute, and the Center for Defense of Free Enterprise to name just a few. When you fill up at ExxonMobil, you're making a difference.

The next time you visit your local ExxonMobil station, you'll also want to sign up for your very own ExxonMobil Credit Card. When gas prices start going up like they have been lately (which the oil companies have little control over, and which are largely due to government regulations and the invisible hand of the free market), you can give your wallet a rest by using your new Exxon Card for all your gas, snack, and lottery purchases. Since you'll have a super-low interest rate and easily affordable minimum monthly payments, you won't have to worry the next time you're out of gas, out of cash, and need to make that 65 mile commute to work. Just use your card at the pump, run inside and grab a cup of coffee and a donut, and pay for all of it when you get that overdue raise a few months from now.

Depending on which of ExxonMobil's credit cards you choose to sign up for, you'll even have the chance to earn gas rebates and travel rewards! The more gas you buy, the more rewards you'll receive. Just ask your friendly ExxonMobil store clerk for more information.

As the old Iroquois Confederacy used to say, "In every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." With that in mind, there's no doubt that it's essential, for your children and for your children's children and for your children's children's children and so on, to "put a tiger in your tank." Make ExxonMobil your pump of choice.

UPDATE: April Fools!