Green Options

[Editor's Note: This is a guest post by Will Potter, author of Green is the New Red.]

The FBI labels the environmental and animal rights movements the number one domestic terrorism threat. Those activists have never flown planes into buildings, taken hostages or sent anthrax through the mail. So how did they make it to the top of the government’s list?

Here are 10 ways you can be labeled an eco-terrorist:

Environmental activist Marie Mason has been sentenced to an unprecidented 21 years in prison for her role in an arson that caused $1 million in damage to a GMO research lab at Michigan State University.

Mason’s arrest stemmed from last year’s dumpster discovery of personal items and plans that linked to Mason’s former husband, Frank Ambrose. Ambrose cooperated with the investigation and received a lighter sentence of 8 years.

On Wednesday the FBI announced it is increasing the reward for information leading to the arrest of four people accused of sabotage attacks in five Western states,”including the largest eco-related arson in history, a $26 million arson at the Vail Ski Resort in Vail, Colorado.”

The North American Earth Liberation Front Press Office has issued a statement against the proposed bailout for the ‘big 3’ automakers. In particular, the release voices their opposition to bailing out General Motors due to their resistance to improving fuel-efficiency.

“General Motors deserves bankruptcy,” said Jason Crawford, a press officer for the ELF. “Fully aware of America’s dependence on foreign oil and the horrific environmental impact of the Hummer—an 8,500-pound monstrosity that yields an average of 10-mpg—GM continued producing gas-guzzling, polluting vehicles.”

The term “eco-terrorism” is getting thrown around again today after four multi-million dollar “green” homes in a Seattle suburb were torched by arsonists claiming affiliation with the Earth Liberation Front (ELF). Others have argued eloquently that “eco-terrorism” isn’t much more than a political language game: “terrorism” doesn’t describe the aims or methods of the “perpetrators,” but simply creates fearful associations. It’s an easy (and intellectually lazy) way to discredit environmentalism in general, and not worthy of the term “argument.”

With all of that said, though, I have to ask: What the hell do ELF members think they’re accomplishing?

I traveled recently, by air, to Vail.

Now before you self-styled environmentalists throw a fit, know this: I offset all my travel by trading for credits at Gladropes, my local hemp crafts store and carbon exchange. I found a nice gentleman whom for some reason wanted all my old underwear in exchange for 5,000 gallons of effluence for my personal methane-capture still.

Though I had to breathe into a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating every time

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