[Editor's Note: This is a guest post by Will Potter, author of Green is the New Red.]

The FBI labels the environmental and animal rights movements the number one domestic terrorism threat. Those activists have never flown planes into buildings, taken hostages or sent anthrax through the mail. So how did they make it to the top of the government’s list?

Here are 10 ways you can be labeled an eco-terrorist:

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Environmental activist Marie Mason has been sentenced to an unprecidented 21 years in prison for her role in an arson that caused $1 million in damage to a GMO research lab at Michigan State University.

Mason’s arrest stemmed from last year’s dumpster discovery of personal items and plans that linked to Mason’s former husband, Frank Ambrose. Ambrose cooperated with the investigation and received a lighter sentence of 8 years.

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Looking back on the actions of so-called “eco-terrorist” organizations like the now less-active Earth Liberation Front, they almost seem quaint as compared to the destruction wrought by the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, or what I like to call, ‘the real terrorism.’

But the Federal Bureau of Investigation doesn’t think the ELF’s actions were so quaint. On Wednesday the FBI announced it is increasing the reward for information leading to the arrest of four people accused of sabotage attacks in five Western states,”including the largest eco-related arson in history, a $26 million arson at the Vail Ski Resort in Vail, Colorado.”

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The North American Earth Liberation Front Press Office has issued a statement against the proposed bailout for the ‘big 3’ automakers. In particular, the release voices their opposition to bailing out General Motors due to their resistance to improving fuel-efficiency.

“General Motors deserves bankruptcy,” said Jason Crawford, a press officer for the ELF. “Fully aware of America’s dependence on foreign oil and the horrific environmental impact of the Hummer—an 8,500-pound monstrosity that yields an average of 10-mpg—GM continued producing gas-guzzling, polluting vehicles.”

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With all of that said, though, I have to ask: What the hell do ELF members think they’re accomplishing?

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Now before you self-styled environmentalists throw a fit, know this: I offset all my travel by trading for credits at Gladropes, my local hemp crafts store and carbon exchange. I found a nice gentleman whom for some reason wanted all my old underwear in exchange for 5,000 gallons of effluence for my personal methane-capture still.

Though I had to breathe into a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating every time I looked out at the plane’s fuel-guzzling engines, I did enjoy the flight. I can’t say the same for my neighbor, who kept gagging and running to the bathroom. The poor fellow was so embarrassed that he made up some story about being allergic to patchouli.

Once I arrived, I made a concerted effort to look like a Vail skier. I wore carefully constructed fake fur boots and a hemp parka, with big sunglasses and an air of superiority that, oddly enough, came very naturally to me.

Of course, I wasn’t there to ski; I was there to gauge the health of the lynx population and visit a personal shrine: The burned-down-by-ecoterrorists-but-then-reconstructed-with-even-more-wood-than-before Two Elk Lodge.

The first Two Elk was burned by the brave soldiers of the Environmental Liberty Foundation or the Encouragement of Lynx Freedom or the Eschewing of Lousy Food; I can’t remember. I could Google it, but that takes carbon. In any case, it was burned down to protest the planned expansion of Vail into prime lynx habitat. No matter that a lynx hadn’t been seen in Colorado since 1973; the ELF knew one might wander into town someday and courageously burned a lot of wood to give it a warm welcome.

To visit the restaurant and lynx habitat, I had to ski, which is difficult and conspicuous in hemp. The bitter cold forced me to wear a hat made of wool. Thoughts of the denuding and oppression of sheep made me so upset that I stayed quite warm all day.

Vail is entirely wind-powered, which makes me sick when I think of all the co-ops and naturopathic medical clinics that could use that energy. I made my disapproval clear to all who rode the chairlift with me by constantly rolling my eyes and clucking. I could sense solidarity in the ones who didn’t quickly ski away from me once we reached the top.

I felt I should canvass the entire ski area in my search for lynx, so I tackled the back bowls and some awesome tree runs in an effort to be thorough. But I promise I didn’t enjoy it.

I also didn’t find any lynx. However, I am now satisfied that if one shows up, it will feel welcome. Until it’s caught and skinned for a Bogner parka.