No, my title is not a pickup line overheard at a recent Earth Day festival (though it bloody well could be!).
Instead, what I refer to here is how the environmental movement is far from homogenous if one truly looks at the diversity of individual motives and methods for going green. The green movement is a patchwork quilt, each patch distinct and yet firmly sewn to those around it, all of them sewn together into one single, strong fabric. E Pluribus Unum.
And I think this diversity is a good thing overall. If environmentalism followed a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all paradigm, then I doubt it would ever have been or continue to be a vibrant, viable reality in our lives. More importantly, this diversity allows more and more individuals to practice sustainable living and so reduce humanity’s footprint on the fragile soil of our Earth. In the end, then, every shade of green may be a good one.1
But that statement begs the question: What’s Your Green?
In order to help you answer that very tricky question, I have compiled a list, in no particular order, of some of the many shades of green visible in the world today:
* Single Green Fe/Male: This shade includes any environmentalist actively seeking a significant other. These folks see all Earth Day festivals, rallies, and so forth as opportunities to schmooze and scope for hotties.
* Greenalicious: Any desirable or eye-catching person, place, or thing related to the environment or environmentalism. A frequent term used by the SGFs and SGMs.
* Spring Greening: These people seem to follow the seasons physically and emotionally. They like only spring and summer, when things are warm, alive, and growing. If you have Seasonal Affective Disorder, then you fall in this shade.
* Ooey Gooey Green: All the folks who turn into poets, philosophers, and purveyors of grand clichés whenever they see something “beautiful” (meaning just about everything) in nature.
* Virtually Green: These environmentalists spend nearly all their time online and/or otherwise partaking of nature via technology.
* Greed Green: Largely but not exclusively the shade for corporations, this variety goes green only because it brings in plenty of green. One example, and there are many, is this statement from the spokesperson of a very prominent organic produce company: “I’m not necessarily a fan of organic. … Whether we stay with organic for the long haul depends on profitability.”2 Although purists will surely bristle at all signs of this shade, I am not as quick to condemn a business or person for going green only to make a profit. Certainly I would prefer a pure heart in everything, but when companies go green in any way, even if their motives are mixed, they expand the availability of environmentally friendly products, make more people aware of environmentalism and so able to take part, and so in the end help to make a positive impact.
*Greenback: Here you find all the über-rich environmentalists–those folks with eco-friendly mansions, state-sized estates donated as easements and treated as wildlife/habitat preserves, fleets of hybrids, etc. Although Greenback does not necessarily start from a base of Greed Green, it sometimes may.