In an unusual twist, biotech scientists have decided that focusing on creating hybrids of new animals and plants is just thinking too small. “We realized that if we were to try and fix all the ills in the current Big Agriculture system, we’d be cloning for the next millennium” said Irving Pinkel. “So, we figured maybe it would be easier to just start from scratch.”

According to Pinkel and his lead associates, the galvanizing moment came after an experiment with cloning a round worm gene into pigs that would make the resulting pork “heart-healthy” and containing more Omega-3 acids. Three of the piglets had to be euthanized due to heart defects.

“Well, the irony of the situation set in,” said Pinkel. “We were all out and maybe had a few too many beers. One of the guys said, ‘You know, I bet if we just fed them [pigs] a natural diet, that would fix the whole meat thing without cloning. Could you do that?’”

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