Mother’s Milk: Breastfeeding While on Anti-depressants for Postpartum Depression
I always knew I would be the poster child for Postpartum depression. I struggled with depression since my freshman year in college (although I didn’t know what it was back then; I called it homesickness) and had a major relapse in 2003 after a breakup of a significant live-in relationship. It was then I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder II. Bipolar disorder II is different from Bipolar I because I would have hypomanic stage, I wasn’t flat out blabbering, streaking the town naked crazy; but I would get very creative and felt as if I was on top of the world. A state that I quite liked, but I disliked the depressive state; so hence the medication. After couple months of being on mood stabilizer and anti-depressants, I decided that life through chemistry was not me. I joined a yoga class and that was very anti-meds.
However, after the birth of our daughter, Layla. My mental state quickly became a concern for the entire family. Whereas before, I loved blurring the line of insanity; it was not appropriate for a mother of a newborn. I was quickly developing overly anxious attitude towards my daughter. I felt angry and cheated. I resented my baby. I loved her but hearing her cry one more second would make me want to throw her across the room. Scared by these incredibly powerful emotions; I sought help. Since I wanted to continue breastfeeding, medication was put off the side in lieu of talk therapy. Talking to my therapist helped but there was still that underlying anger and frustration. Then the significant other got a job in West Palm and we drove over 1500 miles to start a new life. The move had me go into a total mental breakdown. I did not trust myself around my daughter. I was ready to have myself committed. The only reason I didn’t commit myself was because I wanted to continue breastfeeding. It was the only thing, I felt, that I could offer to my daughter.
Instead of committing myself, We decided to seek help out of pocket. I found a psychologist and was referred to a psychiatrist. Both recommended that I go on medication… pronto. Although it really went against everything I believed in; for the sake of my daughter, I agreed. I was put on Symbyax which is Prozac combined with anti-psychotic, Olanzapine. This stuff wasn’t for the meek. It was for the flat out crazies, and Sadly, I am one of them. The psychiatrist and the psychologist both strongly suggested that I wean my daughter, but at four months of nursing; I was not ready to do so. I don’t think my daughter was ready to be weaned either. We played around with the idea of supplementing with formula, but I just couldn’t do it.
This led me to do some research on my own and also a mother’s intuition knowing that my daughter will be fine as long as I took it at night, was careful not to nurse her during the peak dosage and work with her pediatrician. This is of course not a lighthearted decision. I do have my moments of doubt especially when I read the label which warns that medication does get into the breastmilk; so therefore, should not be used when breastfeeding. However I came across several research which concludes that
